And Speaking of Traffic...

AFTER A FIRSTHAND encounter with the city's annual Narcissism Fest-aka the New York City Marathon-on Sunday, we had an idea.

More than 30,000 people participated this year, swinging those skeletal arms, battering their bones, joints and cardiovascular systems in the misguided belief that by doing so, they were actually cheating death. Meanwhile, hundreds of thousands lined the route, cheering on their efforts, describing the runners (for some unfathomable reason) in heroic terms.

Here's our idea. The race as it stands, at least for the spectators, is pretty boring. A bunch of desperate, skinny, sweaty people run past, and that's it. We think they should enliven things next year by adding one exciting new element: New Jersey drivers.

The NYPD is very good on marathon day when it comes to diverting traffic away from the route. Most of these drivers, infuriated by the delay, end up careening through other neighborhoods in town where pleasant and normal people like us are simply trying to go about our Sunday business. Wouldn't it be exciting if the cops, at random points along the route, were to allow a couple lead-footed and incompetent Jersey drivers slip past the barricades, straight into the pack of runners?

It'd be better than the running of the bulls, in that by allowing the crazy drivers into the marathon at random points, you'd keep the tension level up for the entire race. Even if a runner avoids catastrophe when the car charges him on Staten Island, you still don't know if he'll survive the one in Queens!

It would, we think, add a much-needed dose of truth to the race. Given the number of runners who could be maimed or killed by each and every car (potentially hundreds), those people who did make it to the end could actually and honestly say that they outran death. And isn't that better for everyone?