Crime Blotter

Kids today have no common sense. At 2:34 Thursday morning, 22-year-old Patrick Martinez was at a desolate Court Street subway stop in Brooklyn with his pants around his ankles, "exploring his body." That's where all this sex education gets you. A police officer spotted Martinez and proceeded to arrest him. But it was only then, after his pants were pulled back up and his hands were in cuffs, that Martinez realized, maybe he didn't want to have to explain this one to his parents. He bolted from the station and ran three blocks with his hands behind his back before the officer finally caught up with him. Martinez now faces charges of public lewdness and resisting arrest.

Then on Friday, an underage Samuel Stillman tried shoplifting beer from a bodega, a last resort for many 18-year-olds. He walked into the store, filled his pants' legs up with beer bottles, then walked back out. The only problem was, an employee saw the whole thing on a video camera, and-Surprise!-all those glass bottles in his pants made it difficult for Stillman to run away. The 51-year-old shopkeeper quickly chased down the tripped-up teenager and held him until the police arrived.

Remember, it takes a village.