Dr. Dot
Q. The lowdown: I am a young, attractive, bisexual man living in NYC. Now, I have no problem being bisexual, and I am not one of those lurking in the corners with the same-sex side of their love/lust. I have no problems getting dates with either gender usually. The problem is that I would like your advice on whether I should disclose that detail when I am dating, or should I just let it go wherever the wind blows? Men usually have fewer (or no) problems with it than women. I ask because I was really into this one chick, and I know she wanted me but got cold feet. Something was holding her back, and I believe it was exactly this issue. No, I am not sexually confused and I know how I like my bread buttered, if you know what I mean. Just some etiquette tips for the bisexual set! Thanks in advance.
A. Woody Allen said, "Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night," so I can see the positive side of being Bi. I have pleased a few ladies and it was fun, but I am no expert on male-on-male sex (even though my uncle is flaming gay and proud). Every guy I have dated asks me if I have had sex with women and I always tell the truth "Yes, I have, it was fun, but I prefer cock," and it usually never comes up again. I always ask the guy if he has had sex with a man (it's only fair, he asked me, so I get to ask to). So far, the answer has always been "No" (except one German guy who admitted to receiving a blow job from a guy when he was younger).
I have to admit, I looked at him differently after that. I thought, well, this guy is very sexual, very open, but it also made me act differently around his male friends, I was thinking in the back of my head, "which guy will suck my boyfriend off next?" I think if you are asked, by either sex, it is best to tell the truth. I don't think it's anybody's business how many sexual partners you have had, but hiding your bisexuality is not a good idea, especially if it is something you are proud of. Hopefully you practice safe sex, which should put everyone's mind at ease. I personally could not date a guy who also fucks men, I just couldn't-especially after seeing Brokeback Mountain.
I would wonder if the guy was taking either sex seriously or not (that movie also made me think "So, this is the real reason men like to shag their women up the ass"). You say one woman got cold feet after she found out, or so you think. This could be so, but you have to take that chance and stick up for your sexual preference. If they can't handle your truth, they won't be able to handle you and your open minded sexuality. Gay, straight, bi, everyone should be proud of their preferences and enjoy them as often as possible.
Q. My boyfriend and I have a great relationship and amazing sex. We have one problem, though. My boyfriend gets extremely rough when we kiss for a long time, and I love this. But the problem is that his facial hair grows back super fast, and I get beard burn from him when we kiss. My face gets so red and irritated. The skin gets all dry and flaky and sore.
He likes to cum in my mouth (which I love) or on my face, but when he does it on my face, it makes the beard burn hurt even more. I've tried washing my face with a mild exfoliant to shed the flaky skin and using a heavy moisturizer afterward. I've tried wetting a towel with hot water and then applying soap to it and gently scrubbing the area followed by heavy moisturizer. None of these things worked. I tried soaking the area with Neosporin and this gave me some results, but my face still looks awful. What can I do? Please help!
A. All of this trouble you go through seems silly. Why not just ask him to be more gentle or go a few days without shaving if he wants to be rough (it's the fresh stubble that hurts like sand paper). Ask him to use his lips when he kisses, not his whole face. If he doesn't listen to your suggestions, you can rub Vaseline on your face before Mr. Stubble gets a hold of you.