Holiday Shopping Made Easy

HERE AT NEW YORK PRESS, nothing lets us know that the holiday season is upon us quite like a list of killer toys. Several lists are released every year by various panicky parents' groups, but the first one's always the most important. That first list (which came early this year) not only provides a wake-up call that seems to chirp, "Hey, it's time to get shopping!"-it even provides us with a shopping list.

This year's list was especially important, since it came from the fine folks at W.A.T.C.H., which is celebrating its 31st year of instilling useless fears and molding an increasingly pathetic generation of milquetoasts. The Boston-based group, interestingly enough, is run by two personal injury lawyers, which strikes us as a little ironic-but their 2004 list surely didn't disappoint.

There's a Nerf surface-to-air missile that can fly up to 60 feet. There's also a can of the always-amusing silly string disguised as the "Spiderman Triple Action Web Blaster." And the "Pocket Rocket Miniature Motorcycle" is just the thing for those (ahem) early bloomers on your list.

W.A.T.C.H. also warns against a building-block set, and some loathsome bit of treachery called the "Happy Birthday Bear"-which, of course, is standard equipment in all NY and NJ daycare centers.

There were also a few winners on the list whose names alone were clearly enough to raise W.A.T.C.H.'s hackles: The "Megabuster Battle Weapon," "Air Burst Rockets" and our personal favorite (which we'll make sure Santa delivers to a lot of young soldiers this year), the "3 Gun Squad Set-Uz-1 Commando Machine Gun."

So get your holiday shopping done early and relax. FAO Schwartz is open again, and you're certain to find most of these toys there. After all-they're not illegal, just deadly!