Oh-Five Jams

OH-FIVE JAMS. For a whole year, most people are led to believe that midnight on Dec. 31 is the climactic culmination of an entire cycle of the 365 days leading up to it. Actually, it's the worst night to get sloshed, especially in New York City. The pressure. The lines. The crowds. The cover charges. Not only is every venue going to charge you a paycheck for admission, the party usually ends just after midnight. Why? Because that's when everyone blows their load. They've been drinking since six and just can't take it anymore.

New Year's Eve also means a lot of people who get intoxicated just from being in the city. They only cut loose every so often, and this is the night they really do it up. This is their holiday. And they can have it. For the past few years, on New Year's Eve I'm usually behind a bar or playing the records.

For this joyous occasion, I present four records you are most likely to hear when the clock strikes Dick Clark. Or Regis Philbin.

Daft Punk, "One More Time" To be honest, I love this song. The Vocoder. The Euro-disco bump. The synthesizers that hold the crowd in anticipation. It's a perfect slice of cheese. Everything about this song screams great television shots of the confetti-streamed masses at Times Square getting exactly what they want: a celebration.

Kool & the Gang, "Celebration" The song that killed Kool & the Gang's career. Oh, the irony! It's a song of uplifting celebration that led to their downfall and demise. Still, though, your mom loves this song, and so do all her girlfriends. They'll be wearing those terrible glittering paper hats when Stan the One Man Band drops this at money-shot time.

Fatboy Slim, "Praise You" If Norman Cook just would have concocted 10 more songs like "Praise You," he could have bought his own island. The Charlie Brown piano chords that lead into that old 78 rpm Delta blues vocal and then-dududududududu-the stuttering drum that sets up white people like bowling pins. This song should be played immediately after "One More Time."

Chic, "Good Times" Good times, indeed. Niles Rogers is a genius. The bass line, of course, is the sample source for the Sugarhill Gang's "Rapper's Delight." If I had a choice, this is the song I'd play. But, no, I have to, you have to, we all have to play "One More Time." (One night a year, I'll compromise.) I think it's a lot more fun, though, that Chic sings about rollerskating in this song.