Dr. Figment Destroyed hosts one woman show feat. neurotic patients performing " comedy therapy"; Collective Unconscious, 145 Ludlow St. (betw. Stanton & Rivington Sts.), 212-254-5277; Thurs. at 8, $10.
ASS OF SATAN
Intensely personal comic hosts variety show feat. the equally frightening performers Audrey Crabtree, David Leopold, Donetta Reilly, Reina Terror, Shecky Beagleman, Jennifer Blowdryer, Suzanne O'Neill & Karen Sneider w/free beer; Collective Unconscious, 145 Ludlow St. (betw. Stanton & Rivington Sts.), 212-561-9740; Fri. & Sat. at midnight, $6.
BEDTIME SKETCH COMEDY
"Savage comedy" ensemble perform Gin & Comic w/free candy; Westbeth Theater Center, 151 Bank St. (betw. West & Washington Sts.), 212-741-0391; Fri. at 11:30, $10.
BEHIND THE MUZAK
Chicken Skratch returns with all new sketch comedy; The Producer's Club, 358 W. 44th St. (betw. 8th & 9th Aves), 212-363-9653; Thurs. at 8, Fri. at 9, Sat. at 7 & 9, $15.
THE BLACK, THE JEW & YOU!
Epstein & Hassan pres. a comedy about themselves; an interracial married couple who explore stereotypes & other "naked truths" they encounter at Surf Reality, 172 Allen St. (betw. Stanton & Rivington Sts.), 212-714-4551; Thurs. at 8, $8.
THE CHEMICAL WEDDING OF CHRISTIAN ROSENKREUTZ
Fifteen-century alchemist attempts to heal the world through a "chemical wedding," Thursday's show is a benefit; Here, 145 6th Ave. (betw. Spring & Dominick Sts.), 212-647-0202 or www.here.org; Thurs.-Sun. at 8, $15, $40/Thurs.
THE CHAINSAW BOYS
Improv group returns to Here, 145 6th Ave. (betw. Spring & Dominick Sts.), 212-647-0202 or www.chainsawboys.com; Thurs. at 10:30, $10.
CHICAGO CITY LIMITS
Long running comedy revue pres. "Chicago City Limits Turns 20" at Chicago City Limits Theater, 1105 1st Ave. (61st St.), 212-888-LAFF; Weds., Thurs. & Mon. at 8, Fri. & Sat. at 8 & 10:30, $20, Mon. are $5.
Do not miss Jonny McGovern's solid gold one-man show in which a Gay Pimp, a Blaxplotation Diva, a Trailer Park Princess & "a whole lotta gay juice" take over the body of this unique performer; Surf Reality, 172 Allen St. (betw. Stanton & Rivington Sts.), 212-673-4182 or www.GayPimp.com; Fri. at 8, $5 [through 6/30].
DOWNTOWN SCHOOL FOR GIRLS
A "girl-powered comedy" feat. enough plaid skirts to send you straight to hell, with or without a Celine Dion-mangled ballad on the soundtrack; Surf Reality, 172 Allen St. (betw. Stanton & Rivington Sts.), 212-673-4182; Sat. at 10, $7.
EPSTEIN & HASSAN
Greatest comedy by an interracial married duo in the history of the art combines traditional stand-up with free-form audience interactivity, revealing 7 1/2 Secrets of a Very Successful Relationship; Surf Reality, 172 Allen St. (betw. Stanton & Rivington Sts.), 212-673-4182; Tues. at 8, $8.
FREE BREAD & WINE
Improv comedy from audience suggestion feat. the Brain Trust; St. Mark's Theater, 94 St. Mark's Place (1st Ave.), 212-387-2028; Sun. at 8, free [through 7/29].
Patrick Borelli & Jen Kirkman's weekly night of stand-up, improv & sketch comedy for "NYC's Most Beautiful Performers" with new house band, The Disturbed; Gershwin Hotel, 7 E. 27th St. (betw. 5th & Madison Aves.), 718-832-3822; Thurs. at 8, free w/1 drink min.
All women, all improv, all right; Thirteenth St. Rep, 50 W. 13th St. (betw. 5th & 6th Aves.), 212-252-4036; Mon. at 7, $6 [through 6/26].
PENN & TELLER
Deranged magicians who will not be stopped; Beacon Theater, 2124 B'way (74th St.), 212-307-7171; Wed.-Fri. at 8, Sat. at 5 & 9, Sun. at 3 & 7:30, $29-$52.50.
"Group captain" improv feat. special appearances by downtown favs.; Parkside Lounge, 317 E. Houston St. (Attorney St.), 800-246-1390; Mon. at 8:30, contrib. [through 6/26].
SON OF O'DONNELLOGUES
John O'Donnell tells tales which have "little or no connection to one another"; Upright Citizens Brigade Theater, 161 W. 22nd St. (betw. 6th & 7th Aves.), 212-366-9176; Fri. at 8, $5 [through 6/30].
The Drilling Co. Theater Co. pres. a staged reading/performance inspired by fusion painter Doze Green, in collaboration with exhibition at Locus Media, 594 B'way, #1010 (betw. Prince & Houston Sts.), 212-334-6424; Thurs. at 8, $5.
THE SUPVERSIVE SUPERHEREOS VS. THE GENTRIFICATORS
Superhereos battle for NYC's soul; Collective Unconscious, 145 Ludlow St. (betw. Stanton & Rivington Sts.), 212-254-5277; Fri.-Sun. at 8, $10.
SWALLOW YOUR PRIDE
"Proudly anti-gay" gay man David Mills rails against the "establishment"; Here, 145 6th Ave. (betw. Spring & Dominick Sts.), 212-647-0202; Weds. & Thurs. at 7, $15.
UPRIGHT CITIZENS BRIGADE
A plethora of events from some of the strangest, yet sanest, people around. Sean Conroy's one-man humorous look at teaching, "Taught," (Weds. at 8) followed by "Tracers" (9:30); "Herald Night" double feature (Thurs. at 8 & 9:30) & "Cage Match" (11); Friday, "Naked Babies in Emotional Stuntmen" (8); Rich Brown (Fri. at 10); Open improv jam (Fri. at 12 a.m.); "Mobile Assault Unit" (Sat. at 8); "The Real Real World," skits MTV too fraidy-cat to air (Sat. at 10), "Feature Feature," improvised movies, (Sat. at 11:30); "A.S.S.S.S.C.A.T. 2000" long-form improv show is still running (Sun. at 7:30 & 9:30, free); "Eddie!," the one-man show runs (Tues. at 7); Students of UCB get a chance to practice in "New Team Harold" (Tues. at 9:30); Upright Citizens Brigade Theater, 161 W. 22nd St. (betw. 6th & 7th Aves.), 212-366-9176 or www.uprightcitizens.org for info; most performances $5.
Parallel Exit's dance/theater piece incorporates acrobatics, vaudeville & silent film; Walkerspace, 46 Walker St. (betw. B'way & Church St.), 212-662-1080; Weds.-Sun. at 8:30, $12 [through 7/2].
Lovable, odd-looking & gay comedy writer escapes the evil clutches of Whoopi Goldberg & Billy Crystal, triumphing poignantly in the process (but perhaps it's too late); Westbeth Theater, 151 Bank St. (betw. West & Washington Sts.), 212-741-0391; Mon.-Sat. at 8:30, $35-40. [through 7/1.]
WHITE TRASH WINS LOTTO
Brian Beacock plays Axl Rose with what appears to be a "twist," if you get the drift; P.S. 122, 150 1st Ave. (9th St.), 212-477-5288; Fri. & Sat. at 12:15 a.m., $10.