That's The Spirit!

Let's forget this manufactured scandal over our laughing about the pope's impending death. It's old news-unless you're talking about Benedict XVI. Instead, check out the real controversy brewing at the West Side Spirit. We like to think of this nice little paper as a fellow New York weekly, much like Frank and Sammy thought of Joey Bishop as a fellow Rat Packer. It's certainly the best source for scoops on events being held for second-graders at the local libraries.

But it turns out the Spirit actually ran a daring article recently. Hearts are aflutter over the March 31 cover story, "Your Dog Is Driving Me Crazy." (The article first appeared in another local rag called East Side Our Town. Maybe it's the Spirit's sister paper with even fewer chromosomes.)

The public was outraged, and the April 14 edition of the Spirit hands over several pages to letters from dog lovers seeking to defend their surrogate children. Things get even sadder with the accompanying Spirit editorial. Wisely, nobody put their name on the piece boldly entitled, "Why We Might Print Something You Don't Like."

The entire Spirit staff can take credit for the groveling. First off, the Spirit editors want readers to know that the article wasn't run "because [they] agree with it." They're very sorry that they sometimes run an article that "rubs readers the wrong way." Oh, and they "should have done a better job re-introducing [their] tradition of occasionally highlighting an opinion piece."

Of course, that special breed of Spirit readers is representing in typically winning fashion. Letter writer Janice Rubin gets a pull quote: "Dogs are treated better than people because they are better than people. They don't lie, betray you or have conditions on their affection."

Good thing there aren't any bitter divorcees or spinsters up on the West Side, huh? Still, the angry mob's true star is Edward B. Cone, who briefly makes the Spirit interesting, once he starts musing over the big questions:

Would a dog ever try to rob you? Are dogs anti-Semitic? Has a dog ever tried to rape a human (the opposite happens)? Do dogs commit serial murder? Do dogs murder at all?

If you've ever been raped by a dog, please don't waste your story on the Spirit. We can guarantee that you'll make the cover of New York Press. Also contact us if you're a dog that's been raped by Natasha Lyonne. We'd really like to break that story.