The King Of America

Of course it's not real. Walken2008.com, which launched August 9, is a hoax, and an obvious one at that. The quotes at the top of each page, while occasionally hilarious-"If you want to learn how to build a house, build a house. Don't ask anybody, just build a house"-don't add up to a platform. They're just bits of old interviews Walken has done with magazines and newspapers and late-night tv. Anyone with access to Google could have found them. The pictures of Walken are likewise taken from old articles and publicity stills (he hasn't sported that long, stringy, straight black hair since Prophecy II.). And why would Christopher Walken put his political future in the hands of Richard Strickland of Destin, FL, the guy who registered the site?

The FAQ section of Walken2008.com, added August 14, is also transparently fake, particularly the answer to "Why aren't you announcing to CNN or the major media?" which states in part, "The major media are bloodhounds, and once they get wind, Mr. Walken will be forced to start actively campaigning to balance an inevitable onslaught of criticism from opponents."

But this is like lining up reasons for the nonexistence of Santa Claus (the North Pole is uninhabitable, etc.) or why UFOs are fake. A presidential bid by Mr. Walken may be fantasy, but that is all the more reason to believe. Just imagine him saying "Guantanamo." Or likening the plight of abused prisoners to his make-believe POW experience on the set of the Deer Hunter. Imagine Walken proclaiming his commitment to nuclear disarmament by pointing to the heroic actions of his character in the Dead Zone. Or claiming to understand the disenfranchised southerner by citing his fictional relationship with Joe Dirt.

Words like "policy," "deficit" and "defense" would explode out of Walken's mouth in ways that Hillary Clinton, George Pataki and Jeb Bush couldn't pull off in 100 years. Imagine the dramatic pauses during the debates. The stares.

For New Yorkers, a Walken presidency would mean more than five consecutive Olympic games. If elected, the Astoria native (real name: "Ronald," like the last actor in the White House) would be the first Head of State born in a borough since FDR. He's already the King of New York. Together we can make him the King of America.