Absurd Survey Says New York Ranks Only 8th-‘Kinkiest’ in Nation

It’s preposterous. A recently released survey says New York ranks only No. 8 in the nation in terms of “kinkiness.”

We beg to differ (on our knees, submissive-style) and wonder how could they possibly get it so wrong. New Yorkers know they’re the sexiest city in the country—just have a look at our catwalk sidewalks. Perhaps not every sexy or romantic thing veers toward the kinky end of the spectrum, but our prowess in all categories related to love, coolness, and sexiness has a lot of crossover with kink. I mean, even Sex and the City, one of the sexiest mainstream shows of all time, was based in the Big Apple. So sexy they made a sequel, And Just Like That. Not in the least, we’re the only city that I know of that actually has a museum celebrating the joys of all things sex-related.

At least part of the problem, ostensibly, highlights the danger of using AI-generated research to reach real-life conclusions.

Because the survey was compiled by Fantasy AI. That’s right: AI rated us No. 8 of all the fetishes, quirks, kinks, and hang-ups in the realm of sexuality. Nevada topped the list with 901.82 monthly searches for “kinky” adult toys per 100,000 persons. Even squeaky-clean-seeming Washington, Colorado, Utah, and Oregon bested us, with New York clicking out just 815.70 per 100,000.

The study analyzed the number of Google searches for various popular sex toys and accessories, including “Fleshlight” and “sex dolls” over the past year, and used those stats to determine the relative kinkiness of each state. But the study itself is fraught with pitfalls, if not fundamentally flawed. Not in the least is the fact that New York is very tech-savvy, as proved by a study this very month in PC Mag, which found Bing a superior search engine. This alone already begins to poke holes in these results, given that New Yorkers might be “Binging” instead of “Googling.”

But speaking of savvy, only people who are not in-the-know need to seek outside explanations. New Yorkers know what they want; perhaps they’re just going straight to the source. Why waste time Googling something when you can purchase it directly on Amazon or, hopefully, in one of our myriad sex-positive shops in the city, such as Babeland, The Pink Pussycat, Purple Passions, and Empire Exotics, not to mention the handful of surviving boutiques that made that stretch of Eighth Avenue in Chelsea famous for its red-light-district-type offerings.

And if my experience on Craigslist is any indication, the simple act of trying to sell a pair of shoes on the site brought out the foot fetishists like worms after a rainstorm. Nobody was interested in the (quite lovely) heels, but everyone wanted pictures, used shoes, or actual physical access to my admittedly less-than-modelesque tootsies. Personally, I’m not that desperate.

For Pete’s sake, we even have a museum dedicated to erotica: the world-renowned Museum of Sex on Fifth Avenue. Floor manager Thomas G. was relatively shocked by the results of the survey, noting New York’s thriving “queer scene, drag scene,” as well as the museum’s own success.

“Sex work in general here is so normal” that he concurred the need for Googling such accouterments might be unnecessary for New Yorkers, and thus our subpar ranking. He mentioned a robust network of swingers’ networks, many of them app-based . . . so it’s also possible the study was using the wrong criteria.

Our shoddy showing in terms of kink prowess does come at a time, however, when Americans are having less mutual sex overall. That’s according to a study from the Institute of Family Studies, which says the country is in the midst of an alarming “sex recession” as the number who report they are making nookie has fallen to a record low. The IFS survey of 1,000 men and women revealed that less than half (37 percent) were having sex weekly, compared with 55 percent in 1990.

Given that, an increase in alternative outlets would consequently make a lot of sense. One of most notorious sex clubs in the world was found in New York: Le Trapeze, an institution that met its demise in July of 2016 after nearly 40 years. Not that that would foment a rise in sex-toy searches; the Museum of Sex is right around the corner and has a full array of paraphernalia, from the “rose toys,” Fleshlights, sex dolls, and, unique to the state of Montana, butt plugs. The first two apparatuses I had to Google myself, however, unfamiliar with what those kink-assistive toys even were. If anyone else reading this article was similarly unaware, then maybe our ranking will rise for next year’s tally.

So while other states may have to Google to cure their ignorance, New Yorkers could write the book. In the meantime, quench your kink over at the Museum of Sex at their new Throat Goat Karaoke Thursdays, where participants can sing popular songs that celebrate sexual expression and humor. Or get a reservation at The Box, the edgy downtown dinner club with its constantly rotating acts with edgy themes and innovative choreography. Nothing’s too wild or risqué in New York.